while I'm here.........

I was reading on Scapel or Sword's blog article, Admittophiliacs about reasons people give to be admitted and it brought this to mind. I call it the While I'm here, fix everything wrong with me that's been wrong since the day I was born syndrome.

I hear it during the initial history and assessments primarily. The patient is here for COPD exacerbation and becomes insistent (during bipap face breaks)... while I'm here, I need somebody to look at my shoulder. What's wrong with your shoulder? It hurts so bad, I can't hardly use my arm. I ask, How long has it been hurting you......oh a couple of years. My doctor said it was arthritis, but I don't think it is. It hurts so bad. Also, I've had this rash on my leg.....

Most of the time it's the family insisting we get a specialist in and do something NOW about Grandpa's gnarly toenails, funky atheletes foot problem (he's CHF & looks like a puffer fish), or brother's rotten teeth (while we are busy trying to keep brother from going into full blown DTs). Many times I get these requests in the middle of the night and when I enquire as to when the problem began, it goes waaaaaaaay back. But it's an emergency right now and we want something done right now about it. Ok sure, I'll pass that information on to your doctor ......tomorrow. I'm sure he will get right on it.

Mr. November

Well, guy of the month, Mr. November, has been up for contenders. I've been out a few times and eliminated a couple of them right off. But I have met a nice guy and we've been out a few times. And yeah, he's still around, seems normal, we have fun, I'm attracted, and likes me...go figure.
I've learned that most everyone seems normal at first. I suppose that is because I apply my norms. We all have some quirks. I cuss too much and drive like a bat out of hell. I'm sure there's more but, that's all I'm fessing up to right now.
Oh man, guess online dating has really made me a bit cynical. This post may put the pox on the whole damn thing but I can't sleep so I'm writing it anyway.
Had a former contender, Liarliar (LL) trying to pop back into the picture again. I'm trying a new strategy with him. I told him about a free web site for dating. I've let this guy come in and out of my life for a couple of years, and LL breaks my heart every damn time. Maybe he will leave me be this time. In the past I have little or no resistant powers against LL. Kind of like Cary and Mr. Big on Sex and the City. Don't know why, the jerk just rings my bell. And I hate it. How can I be so FN rational about everything in my life except men, especially this one? sigh

war to slackers, an unemployed Drs rant

Interesting drama played out in the news.
A pediatrician went all out nuts after the election and wrote an unprofessional, totally irrational memo to her staff, declaring war to all slackers that elected the evil incarnate. It was sent to the media and you better believe the shit hit the fan. She has now resigned. Karma or PMS at work here? check it out here
Oh, just in case you wonder. I voted for the old guy and hunting/hockeymom with the Russian foreign policy experience (cause they fly over Alaska). But I had very mixed feeling about the vote; I could have gone either way.

late night calls

There are a few doctors at my hospital that are well known to be quite put off by calls during the night. No matter what you call them about, even when hospital policy dictates YOU HAVE TO CALL THE DOCTOR, they are total assholes about it. They do it on purpose...thinking they will receive fewer calls that way. I make very few calls after midnight. If I can stretch out that pain medication until 6am or placate the patient for a few more hours, I will not make those late night calls. However, I work critical care so if you are the cardiologist on call and my patient was just admitted and his heart is doing some funky stuff, I'm going to have to wake your cranky ass up. Get over it.

night shift blues

Well, I guess I converted to night shift. I hate sleeping through my days off but here lately, I can't seem to sleep at night. My eyes start to droop when the sun comes out. I've been off the last 3 nights and every single night I haven't been able to go to sleep until dawn. Loneliness seems more so pronounced in the dark of the night and all my well made plans go straight to shit in the wee hours of the night. I know there are other night shifters off from work tonight. Where are you? Where do other night shifters go at night when they are awake and the rest of the world is asleep? All night WalMart? All night Kroger? Bars? I hate bars. I don't smoke and don't like being around it. Plus, slobbering drunks are not my idea of a fun time...unless I'm slobbering right along and those days are long gone for me...So bars are out. I rarely drink; a good alcoholic buzz just isn't worth the resulting hangover for me. What to do? I've hung pictures, upholstered a head board for my bed, reupholstered an ottoman, cooked baked ziti and a zuchinni casserole, washed a dog, cleaned a house, and watched lots of bad tv. hmmmmmmmm. Guess I'll read some blogs until I come up with something else to do.

Mr. September

He seemed perfect at first...too good to be true. Turned out I was right.
I met Ringo on an internet date site. Why Ringo? Well he didn't have a big nose like the drummer but he did have a special ring. He was an electrician and lived about a 1/2 hr from me. He had two dogs and a 20 year old son that lived with him. He had married over 20 years and divorced since January. He was very nice looking, little bit of a gut but for the most part he was in decent shape. He was a little on the runty side for my tastes...I prefer the 6 footers but he was taller than me so that was ok. It all started off so innocent and sweet. We chatted using instant messenger until I got a good comfort level and then we met. No problem, definite attraction there. We went out a few times. He was a gentleman that is until I met his webcam. It was late and I was a little bored so I'll admit I egged him on, wondering what he would do. I'd had guys show me all kinds of things on their webcam before but I really didn't expect to see what this guy had in store for me. He started telling me about some of his kinks. I'm so friggin' naive that I didn't even consider the stuff he pulled out. He stood up to show me his other little kink. He had a pierced dick (insert Ring). Now get this...this dumb fuck pierced his penis all by himself, one night when he was bored. He then went on to ask for my medical opinion on what he could do to fix his two holed penis now so he wouldn't have to sit down and pee like a girl. Like a good nurse, I told him to see a doctor.
Needless to say, that webcam conversation was the end of our relationship. I don't think I am ready for a true trisexual.
So I'm back on the market again and I'm talking to this really cool guy....
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Queen of AMS

One of my fellow nurses was proclaimed Queen of AMS last night. All of her patients had some form of dementia. After about 12 hours of nonstop climbing out of bed, pulling off the cardiac monitor, trying to rip out the iv, trying to reason with the ramblings of four AMS patients; she too, was about to lose her mind. None of her patients were from nursing homes. They were your husband, wife, grandmother, or grandfather that functioned "independently" in society. Makes me wonder.........how many people are stumbling around at 2am in their homes, or worse yet, driving down the road, out of their friggin' minds? Also, none of the aforementioned patients had any family with them in the deep part of the night. Perhaps, the family was breathing a collective sigh of relief and enjoying the the night off.

Speaking of family, how many of us in nursing have found that some of the family members are more demented than the patient? My demented patient had a wife that was as bad or worse than he. The man and his wife were transplants, having moved down here in retirement for the warmer climate. The man was in awful shape. He was emaciated, covered in dried poo, and speckled with dribbled urine when he came in. Somehow, his half blind, nut of a wife drove up to visit him daily to rant and rave at the dayshift about getting her hubby out of the hospital and back home where she could take care of him right. The family doc evidently used the nice guy approach, the don't rock the boat, just get them out of here asap way. His H&P started out speaking of a "well nourished male" (who the heck was that?). The doctor was told, but he seemed to have overlooked the fact that the patient was demented, covered in feces and urine on arrival, continued to be incontinent of stool and urine while in the hospital. In addition, the man was one big skin lesion after another and no there again the canned H+P sounded like the man had the skin of a healthy baby. I probably started some stuff but I dropped a social worker consult for neglect. And note to self, don't ever use this doc for me or my family...He has his head up his ass.