Something for everyone but the faint at heart. Critical care nursing vent-a-blog, on line dating after 40, animal adventures, cooking and gardening tips. Warning: May be offensive, crude and politically incorrect. Stories in the blog may be based on fact and may also be wildly exaggerated, at my will and imaginative discretion. The character names are changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent and to keep my ass from getting sued.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


Sometimes I'm just too nice. No, not here in blogland. Here, I'm out for blood and vengeance. (Good thing I have a place to let it vent out, huh?) I'm talking nice in real life.
Both men of the last couple of months tried to come back around and I was nice to them. For a minute anyway. The other week Ringo, aka urostomy DIY, tried to squirm his way back into my graces. I'm telling you, he just about begged to come over and I said very politely, I don't think that would be a good idea. Now just yesterday, I received a I'm sorry I've behaved so badly email from tha Shithead. I just said, Apology accepted. Wonder what's next?
I did go on a couple of dates lately. Let's lied about his height. I was taller than him. He also limits his dining adventures to Applebees type places. He wants to make sure he can have 2 or 3 or 4 beers with his dinner. He also eats out every night. Me thinks somebody could possibly have a drinking problem...rule him out for being short and a boozer. The good news here? This guy really likes me and keeps calling. Somebody stop him! Another I met recently. This guy is wealthy, taller than me, also very much rounder and heavier than me (yeah, a little chubbs). Also, I think he aged 10 years from his posted online picture. This guy is the king of eccentric. You say eccentric when they are wealthy, just FN nuts when they are poor. He gave up his car years back for ecco causes. Yep, he only drives his scooter. Nope, not a motorcycle type scooter. We are talking putt putt moped 45mph tops scooter. In addition, the guy is a regular AA attendee (two meetings a day) and just quit smoking in the past year after receiving the news he was end stage COPD. Lovely. Another date in need of a critical care nurse. I think part of his eccentricity is from lack of oxygenation to the brain. You just never know until you meet someone. People hide all kinds of things but most of them come up when you meet them. What's that saying? Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

while I'm here.........

I was reading on Scapel or Sword's blog article, Admittophiliacs about reasons people give to be admitted and it brought this to mind. I call it the While I'm here, fix everything wrong with me that's been wrong since the day I was born syndrome.

I hear it during the initial history and assessments primarily. The patient is here for COPD exacerbation and becomes insistent (during bipap face breaks)... while I'm here, I need somebody to look at my shoulder. What's wrong with your shoulder? It hurts so bad, I can't hardly use my arm. I ask, How long has it been hurting you......oh a couple of years. My doctor said it was arthritis, but I don't think it is. It hurts so bad. Also, I've had this rash on my leg.....

Most of the time it's the family insisting we get a specialist in and do something NOW about Grandpa's gnarly toenails, funky atheletes foot problem (he's CHF & looks like a puffer fish), or brother's rotten teeth (while we are busy trying to keep brother from going into full blown DTs). Many times I get these requests in the middle of the night and when I enquire as to when the problem began, it goes waaaaaaaay back. But it's an emergency right now and we want something done right now about it. Ok sure, I'll pass that information on to your doctor ......tomorrow. I'm sure he will get right on it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Mr. November

Well, guy of the month, Mr. November, has been up for contenders. I've been out a few times and eliminated a couple of them right off. But I have met a nice guy and we've been out a few times. And yeah, he's still around, seems normal, we have fun, I'm attracted, and likes me...go figure.
I've learned that most everyone seems normal at first. I suppose that is because I apply my norms. We all have some quirks. I cuss too much and drive like a bat out of hell. I'm sure there's more but, that's all I'm fessing up to right now.
Oh man, guess online dating has really made me a bit cynical. This post may put the pox on the whole damn thing but I can't sleep so I'm writing it anyway.
Had a former contender, Liarliar (LL) trying to pop back into the picture again. I'm trying a new strategy with him. I told him about a free web site for dating. I've let this guy come in and out of my life for a couple of years, and LL breaks my heart every damn time. Maybe he will leave me be this time. In the past I have little or no resistant powers against LL. Kind of like Cary and Mr. Big on Sex and the City. Don't know why, the jerk just rings my bell. And I hate it. How can I be so FN rational about everything in my life except men, especially this one? sigh

Friday, November 7, 2008

war to slackers, an unemployed Drs rant

Interesting drama played out in the news.
A pediatrician went all out nuts after the election and wrote an unprofessional, totally irrational memo to her staff, declaring war to all slackers that elected the evil incarnate. It was sent to the media and you better believe the shit hit the fan. She has now resigned. Karma or PMS at work here? check it out here
Oh, just in case you wonder. I voted for the old guy and hunting/hockeymom with the Russian foreign policy experience (cause they fly over Alaska). But I had very mixed feeling about the vote; I could have gone either way.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

late night calls

There are a few doctors at my hospital that are well known to be quite put off by calls during the night. No matter what you call them about, even when hospital policy dictates YOU HAVE TO CALL THE DOCTOR, they are total assholes about it. They do it on purpose...thinking they will receive fewer calls that way. I make very few calls after midnight. If I can stretch out that pain medication until 6am or placate the patient for a few more hours, I will not make those late night calls. However, I work critical care so if you are the cardiologist on call and my patient was just admitted and his heart is doing some funky stuff, I'm going to have to wake your cranky ass up. Get over it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

night shift blues

Well, I guess I converted to night shift. I hate sleeping through my days off but here lately, I can't seem to sleep at night. My eyes start to droop when the sun comes out. I've been off the last 3 nights and every single night I haven't been able to go to sleep until dawn. Loneliness seems more so pronounced in the dark of the night and all my well made plans go straight to shit in the wee hours of the night. I know there are other night shifters off from work tonight. Where are you? Where do other night shifters go at night when they are awake and the rest of the world is asleep? All night WalMart? All night Kroger? Bars? I hate bars. I don't smoke and don't like being around it. Plus, slobbering drunks are not my idea of a fun time...unless I'm slobbering right along and those days are long gone for me...So bars are out. I rarely drink; a good alcoholic buzz just isn't worth the resulting hangover for me. What to do? I've hung pictures, upholstered a head board for my bed, reupholstered an ottoman, cooked baked ziti and a zuchinni casserole, washed a dog, cleaned a house, and watched lots of bad tv. hmmmmmmmm. Guess I'll read some blogs until I come up with something else to do.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Mr. September

He seemed perfect at first...too good to be true. Turned out I was right.
I met Ringo on an internet date site. Why Ringo? Well he didn't have a big nose like the drummer but he did have a special ring. He was an electrician and lived about a 1/2 hr from me. He had two dogs and a 20 year old son that lived with him. He had married over 20 years and divorced since January. He was very nice looking, little bit of a gut but for the most part he was in decent shape. He was a little on the runty side for my tastes...I prefer the 6 footers but he was taller than me so that was ok. It all started off so innocent and sweet. We chatted using instant messenger until I got a good comfort level and then we met. No problem, definite attraction there. We went out a few times. He was a gentleman that is until I met his webcam. It was late and I was a little bored so I'll admit I egged him on, wondering what he would do. I'd had guys show me all kinds of things on their webcam before but I really didn't expect to see what this guy had in store for me. He started telling me about some of his kinks. I'm so friggin' naive that I didn't even consider the stuff he pulled out. He stood up to show me his other little kink. He had a pierced dick (insert Ring). Now get this...this dumb fuck pierced his penis all by himself, one night when he was bored. He then went on to ask for my medical opinion on what he could do to fix his two holed penis now so he wouldn't have to sit down and pee like a girl. Like a good nurse, I told him to see a doctor.
Needless to say, that webcam conversation was the end of our relationship. I don't think I am ready for a true trisexual.
So I'm back on the market again and I'm talking to this really cool guy....


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Queen of AMS

One of my fellow nurses was proclaimed Queen of AMS last night. All of her patients had some form of dementia. After about 12 hours of nonstop climbing out of bed, pulling off the cardiac monitor, trying to rip out the iv, trying to reason with the ramblings of four AMS patients; she too, was about to lose her mind. None of her patients were from nursing homes. They were your husband, wife, grandmother, or grandfather that functioned "independently" in society. Makes me many people are stumbling around at 2am in their homes, or worse yet, driving down the road, out of their friggin' minds? Also, none of the aforementioned patients had any family with them in the deep part of the night. Perhaps, the family was breathing a collective sigh of relief and enjoying the the night off.

Speaking of family, how many of us in nursing have found that some of the family members are more demented than the patient? My demented patient had a wife that was as bad or worse than he. The man and his wife were transplants, having moved down here in retirement for the warmer climate. The man was in awful shape. He was emaciated, covered in dried poo, and speckled with dribbled urine when he came in. Somehow, his half blind, nut of a wife drove up to visit him daily to rant and rave at the dayshift about getting her hubby out of the hospital and back home where she could take care of him right. The family doc evidently used the nice guy approach, the don't rock the boat, just get them out of here asap way. His H&P started out speaking of a "well nourished male" (who the heck was that?). The doctor was told, but he seemed to have overlooked the fact that the patient was demented, covered in feces and urine on arrival, continued to be incontinent of stool and urine while in the hospital. In addition, the man was one big skin lesion after another and no there again the canned H+P sounded like the man had the skin of a healthy baby. I probably started some stuff but I dropped a social worker consult for neglect. And note to self, don't ever use this doc for me or my family...He has his head up his ass.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

pooh brown out

It was pooh night at work the other night. We had the Cdiff, gown and scrub code brown going on in one room, then lactulose for the high ammonia level in the alcoholic hepatitis patient in another room and you know what that means...pooh party. Then we had the chronic diarrhea going on in room 3, but at least she asked for the bedpan each time. Just for added amusement, in case we didn't have enough code browns going on, we had our obese, diabetic, renal failure patient that also shit all over herself several times per shift. This was a bit irritating because she suffered from that hospitalitis form of paralysis where she couldn't/wouldn't lift a finger to hit the call bell to ask for a bedpan before. She'd say, you weren't in here and I waited and waited but then I had to go. But she could hit the callbell after she went and wanted to be cleaned up, or when she wanted a snack. The way things were going, I figured our next admit would be a hyperkalemia patient that needed kayexalate. We were up to our asses and elbows in pooh all night. Nights like this make me wonder why I went back to school late in life and got my BSN. Just shoot me.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

dumpin Grandma off

I worked last night so I'm a little brain drained this am. But I wanted to write about people who take their dear ole Grandma off to the hospital and leave her alone at night. There's probably a good dozen of the nice family milling around and demanding stuff during the day for dear ole Grandma. But at night, it's just her and me, plus the rest of her newfound family of nurses. I had one such patient last night. For the most part she was alert but at times her evil twin, Dementia, showed her ugly head. This little lady was 91 years old, all of 4 ft tall, and she didn't sleep a wink all night. "I want to sit up, I want to stand up, I want in the chair, I'm ready to get back in bed. I have to pee (has a foley) and I'm gonna pee all over this bed in a minute. I got to take a shit now. I'll shit everywhere! Where's my daughter? I know I heard her talking out there. Hey you, Nurse, come help me. I have to get up. I'm ready to go home" This went on for 12 hours. We even tried to put her in a cardiac chairs and out in the nurses area so she could sit with us. She was a cute little old lady, a real pistal, and a pain in the ass. We didn't restrain her but she kept us running into the room all night. And she got absolutely no rest. This is the 2nd night she has been with us and I am told she did the same on the first night. The dayshift nurses even asked if someone from the family could stay with her. What kind of people leave their 91 year old, demented mother by herself at night in a big hospital?

Monday, September 8, 2008

man of the month club

Hmmmmm. First real blog posting. I've done some myspace blogging but this is my first venture onto a real bloggers site. Previously, because my id was linked to my posts, my really gutsy, put it all out there, rants and cries were heavily edited. I'm going to let loose on here. I'm doing this blog for my sanity. I have not shared this blog site with any family or friends. It's gonna be a free for all. I thought about calling it Muffy's rage journal but thats taken.
Recently, I seem to have become a full fledged member of the man of the month club. I haven't found one yet worth keeping around or maybe one hasn't found me to be up to the challenge either. Online dating can be brutal. You wouldn't believe what some guys will say to you online. From what I understand from some of the guys I've met, the online women can be just as cruel. I guess it's easier to be cold and blunt when you are not face to face. I used to think I had no baggage from my previous relationships. Well, I've picked up a few carry-ons since I started dating online.

(awesome pic is from the movie Silent Hill)